Retire, old man, you’re fucking useless. You can cluck your dessicated tongue and wag your bony finger at Trump’s antics all you want, but you don’t actually do a goddamn thing about it.

This has got to really piss Brandon Phillips off.

This is impressive, I usually tense up anytime I finally get near third base.

Crosby has been in the public eye in Canada for about 14 years now. If he has any real interests in anything other than hockey I don’t know if it’s ever been mentioned. If he’s passionate about anything or is even aware of the world around him it’s never gotten much time.

But why male models?

It’s soccer with rocket-powered cars.

I’ve seen this romcom before. KD and Rihanna’s fight make them realize that the only thing worse than how they feel about each other is how they feel WITHOUT each other. They eventually fall in love and end up getting married. Jeff Van Gundy, still obsessed with Rihanna, tries to interrupt the ceremony but ends up…

You can put him in the morgue, yes!

Unfortunately, this will only be the second most devastating withdrawal from Paris today.

Trump would pivot to being less batshit insane if he became President, too.

Right. I get that he has a viewpoint here and that’s great and all…

Impressive video, but if I may:

Straight up for Kristaps Porzingis.

“Dammit” backwards is “Tim mad.” [Head explodes]

Not all of Major League twitter demeaned itself. One team focused on what really matters today.

These are unfortunate but correct decisions.

Don’t worry, it’s what he would have wanted you to spend the cash on.

In Atlanta they call that ‘the bottom of the first’.

I know you Trumpettes love fake facts, but Trump lose the popular vote, so...less than half.

“more than half of us”