And bugs!!

I’m a HUGE King fan and I couldn’t for the life of me stand Tommyknockers. I actually googled “Why Tommyknockers so bad” one day because I thought maybe it was me....turns out, I’m not alone and most people attribute the scattered writing and lengthy over-and-overness of it to King’s then rampant drug use. He barely…

This is the sweetest story ever.

Pffft. He’s just pay the nerd to do it.

Or better yet, pull a Biff/McFly and just beat him into it.

If he is removed, is anyone else really really terrified of the blowback from MAGA brainwashed?

As nice of a warm fuzzy feeling it is to think of him gone, I’m also really scared that people are going to get hurt or killed in the aftermath.

I feel like Fridge Raider is the type of guy who, no matter what beverages you make available on the counter, he’s still going to snoop and steal from the fridge. The solution doesn’t apply to fuckin WEEIIRDDOOS like that dude.

Usually I hear “oh handful” when the girl is growing up conventionally beautiful. Which is EVEN WORSE.

Too much money, not enough taste.

dI work at a winery and my first week was a lot of learning how to properly clean and carry wine glasses. I shattered one in my hand while polishing (hot glass is fragile y’all) and my elder coworker looked at me and said, straight faced and deadpan, “You know that comes out of your paycheck, right?”

Turns out he’s…

I met someone named Shauna today.

#dudewheresyourdaughter

I’m so glad I know this story.

oh shes an awful actress, but she ain’t ugly is my point.

oh sweet jesus, that was ten lifetimes ago. #kenyadiggitlives

I’m picturing a livingroom with several friends tripping over furniture while moving random objects (lamps, soccer balls, an orange) around a very confused and awe-struck young woman sitting on the couch and it’s honestly making me so happy.

I smoke weed maybe once a year and I roll BOMB ass joints. They’re works of art. I have made many friends with this skill, even if I don’t partake.

I can tell you exactly how to get rid of it.

The only problem is, the guy who can’t blow up balloons won’t be able to do it.

I can’t for the life of me figure out dishwashers. We never had one growing up and now I just prefer hand-washing my dishes anyways.

I’d feel ashamed to admit that I actually do this (without stepping ON the map itself) but hey, I’m not still lost in downtown Paris am I? No. I am not.

I still do this as well. I also use “Never Eat Shredded Wheat” to find my North East South West and count the knuckles on my hand for the number of days in each month of the year