It's not hard to be better than you're given credit for when you're a bad movie that fans treat like droppings from the Devil's anus.

This is ridiculous. So many of our movies and TV shows are basically an attempt to write a version of 9/11 where we win. It doesn't suddenly become any more or less tasteful than it's always been, just because terrorism happened to a country that has white people in it.

There are more Calamarians in the Rebellion than there are women or black people.

It would be faster to list the things Joe Pesci said that weren't too profane to be included onscreen.

These movies are all going to be so bad and make so much money.

Hire a better singer who isn't an asshole. Problem solved.

Inter-universe continuity is the best and worst thing to ever happen to superhero comics. And DC full on has its head up the continuity's ass, which makes experiments like this one far more remarkable than it should be.

That shot of his tail spasming? Not actually his tail.

And there's a deleted scene just before the droids go to the palace, where he turns the lightsaber on for the first time. Cool scene, but it's better that we not know it exists until he's ready to murder everybody with the assistance of his Jedi superpowers.

"Also, I'm going to offer Jabba a choice between a deal I know for a fact he'd never take and me just storming the sail barge and straight-up murdering every last living thing on it. Because I'm a guardian of peace and justice, you see."

Michelle Pfeiffer is still in her prime. Therefore, Fisher Stevens is still dating Michelle Pfeiffer. I will consult Google to find out whether or not you are wrong about this.

"And despite having been born to play a Bond villain, Waltz never comes within striking distance of the volcanic menace of Javier Bardem’s Skyfall heavy; perhaps the former has done the false-civility thing too many times for it to land anymore. Like most of Spectre, he’s not quite old, not quite new, and not quite…

To be fair, Eric Garner did sell loose cigarettes.

Rank these in order of sexiness:

My air-penis is raw from all the dismissive wanking I've done towards Gamergate, so buying a ticket to this movie will have to suffice for a while.

Local news: "An area nerd who huffed paint fumes and crashed his AMC Gremlin into a neighbor's sequoia tree posted about it on the Internet beforehand. Do movies cause drug use and violence? More at 11."

You know, I really don't get the connection between buying a ticket to a Star Wars movie and being a nerd. Who doesn't like Star Wars? I mean besides serial killers and people who don't have feelings.

- the Fraternity of Police

"This will make the public think we're reasonable people and get them on our side again!" - the FOP

Well, this isn't crass at all.