Ooooh!  $100

Wait, that’s not Aaron Hernandez?

No love for “Fiction”?

Thank you Michael Harriot, this was somewhat fun, but as ever, provides much needed perspective for people who may have none.

you mean They. Pronouns are important. 

I am Hector, Katherine is back in the machine packing orders. Things are great in the air conditioned facility in which I operate.

Is that the Ark of the Covenant?

The billion dollar mass-murder-rock industry hadn’t taken off yet.

Windows Phone!

This is not the time to taco-bout the dangers of Competitive Eating. Have you no shame? Throw-ups and fryers.

“tragically” 

Yeah but would you recognize them?  Celebrity has a bit of “Isnt that X over there?” I dont think anyone would recognize Jesus (White guy with long brown hair for some reason), or Mohammed for that matter.

Just use 24 hour time like the rest of us 00:00 is way before 13:00

I have seen many (*ahem, racists), offended that he decided to RUIN the ceremony by making it about HIM.

25 or 6 to 4

Lets not forget that Trump is the real victim here. 

In my zipcode of over 100,000 individuals, only 3 donors. Maybe this is a good way to find a nice neighborhood to live.

MouthOpenInADickForest?

Sure lady, the lightning did it.

Good.