“What are you drinking?”

FIFY...

“When Michelle and I came into office....”

People who can’t accept their children for what they are, completely, should not have kids.

I’m holding back so many catty comments that I feel I’ve contracted feline leukemia.

Joaqa Joaqa.

“Baby Ice Coco”= mini Frappucino.

This confirms my experiences as well, though if there is ever a next time, I am requesting Yeezy kicks for my kid. I love him, he’s honest and truthful and unabashed.

If so, then millions of girls born in the 80s are in trouble.

I took that business plan to my bank, they refused to loan me someone to love

I know this is completely besides the point, but can we please stop calling this asshole war machine?? Seriously... Let’s call this asshole by his name. Jon Koppenhaver is an abusive, psychotic, pathetic asshole. War Machine is a comic book superhero.

I think it definitely could play into it. My mirroring of my best friend’s speech patterns is so pronounced that my son can tell if I’ve talked to her recently.

I’m not sure I’d see it so much as women trying to sound masculine as much as women trying to avoid being penalized for sounding feminine.

The really illuminating part of the This American Life show was when they talked about how it’s not just vocal fry that people complain about. Before that, it was uptalk, and before that, it was using “like” too much. And the thing is, with all three of those trends, they’re things that both men and women do, but they…

I HAVE COMPLAINED ABOUT IRA GLASS’ VOICE (ETA: I’l admit I didn’t attribute it to vocal fry as much as to that affected clipped thing. he does. at the end. of every intro.)

Every now and then guys will ask me if these are my “real eyes.” I’m pretty sure they’re asking if they’re colored contacts, like you said, but I’ve gotten to the point where I always reply, “No, I carved them out of a dead hobo’s skull.” It’s just confusing and off-putting enough to make them leave me alone.

One that I and my fellow plus-sized ladies have heard way too fucking often: “you have such a pretty face.”

So if you have a bunch of beans, and you spill them, they get everywhere and roll into all kinds of nooks and crannies and no matter how hard you try to clean them up you’re still finding them days later in unexpected places. Much like how if you tell a secret people will spread it around and it won’t be a secret…

#JustlookathowcompassionateIam

Dear Ashton: