Nice try, but you spelled everything correctly and there are no "1"s mixed in with your exclamation points.

NOT A FUNERAL DIRECTOR? TELL THAT TO THE VICTIMS OF BENGHAZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disasterbators is the most brilliant portmanteau OF ALL TIME.

We should be more worried about the most destructive disease of all: Kardashiaitis.

People are such disasterbators that there are probably some who wish it would come here so they could say, "OMG, my mom's cousin's neighbor's friend's son's coach's daughter's brother-in-law's niece died from that!"

If we want Americans to not take Ebola this seriously, we should invent a vaccine for it.

She looks great. That man looks like he's about to go perform fire tricks at a third-tier circus.

Karen is my spirit animal.

Exactly! It's really hard to find shorts for girls that meet school dress code standards in stores, and when kids are growing fast, it's even harder. We buy a lot of clothes online for that reason, but that doesn't work for everyone. I have a daughter with long legs too, so I get it. I'm sorry your daughter went…

Like a houseguest. Marvelous at first and full of possibilities, but if left unsupervised for too long, they can be a real pain.

Yeah! Fuck that guy!

I am a christian; I am a conservative. Most would call me a republican.....what are republicans interested in ? MONEY. MAKING MONEY. SAVING MONEY !

My condom is my faith.

I'm going with Jesus and prayer in schools. God will end that erection if you ask him.

In 1991, women who had had sex ed, birth control and abortion available their whole lives were starting to have kids. These children have grown up in a world where birth control is ok and expected, and with less shame about sex (there's still too much idiocy and shame out there, but it's miles better than it used to…

I found the key to be Words With Friends. You play a word, she knows you're alive and all is right with the world.

(whispers) I'd probably hit it....shamefully.

Paris Hilton is not a DJ.

"Moral of the story: name your "Demons" folder something innocuous so that the Devil can't find it when he's snooping through your stuff."