I remember junior high dances being thick with the scent of Drakkar. It was awful.

I didn't think this could get any better, but you just stepped shit up.

I accidentally wiped Egg McMuffin grease in my eye while watching this. My friend saw me crying and looked over to see what I was watching. She hit replay and watched it 4 times before telling me that wasn't a real gospel choir and there was no reason for me to get all choked up about it.

No, it doesn't.

Well in that case, fuck that kid. No one should do play along with all those self important assholes giving this kid his potentially last wish in the world.

[A] "pick up artist" is like a sandwich artist, except much more embarrassing to sleep with and much, much less likely to have a footlong.

Boo, hiss. Most are just run of the mill wedding dresses. Break out some Georgian gowns or something, and I'll call it a Ball. This is just a David's Bridal fitting room in March.

Glad I'm not the only one who saw '09 and '10 and thought FUCK FUCKING TWILIGHT.

I see you, 2010 Twihard moms.

NOT EVEN WITH MY WIFE.

If I google image search "get laid haircut", this is one of the results. I'm not sure this cut would get me laid. Not even with my wife.