That’s not the antichrist

One time, back when I was a cop, I stopped this crime ring that was boosting DVD players and car stereos. Long story short, I wound up JOINING the group family and traveling the world committing/stopping crimes. Then I had a kid and they stopped inviting me to the jobs. Kids ruin everything.

I can’t stand it! I know you planned it! 

And, with BMW eliminating dispsticks in favor of electronic level sensors in the late 2000s, the Germans have been able to turn around and play the same trick on many unsuspecting owners!

Lapid: “Anything but green.”

My first thought was “WTF were they thinking?!”

Jason, I usually like the stuff you write and it’s mostly smart and funny. But lose the profanity. It doesn’t add a single bit of humor, and it’s no longer shocking or edgy. It’s just a crutch for inadequate writing. You’re much better than that.

Poor tackle that causes a minor concussion? “Fuck the NFL!!!”

American Ugly, still better than British Hot. Drive Chevrolet.

Yup... Even worse is when you flash your brights thinking theirs are on, only to get your retinas burned when they actually do switch their highs on (and leave them on) just to spite you.

I named myself after my favourite Top Gear presenter. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I could ride a bus packed with people taking a shit on the floor of it and I’d be better off than inside that thing.

David...I beg you...PLEASE

Jim is/was the fucking man