Actually the fake news pays their writers with the George Soros money from Clinton's Goldman Sach's speech about her 57 billion missing emails.

It's also possible that the CDC will by privatized by Purell.

Couldn't be much harder than training a pair of Russian hookers to piss on his leg, and I have video proof of that!

You call it defunded public education, but I like to call it refunded private education.

Excuse me. I'll have you know that I'm not feral at all.

I can hold two thoughts in my head simultaneously.

The Interview? You mean that movie where the lady propaganda minister for an infantile petty dictator is stolen away to freedom in the dead of night by Seth Rogan?

Oh, thanks. I had completley forgotten about 'The Way He Looks' and I haven't even heard of 'The Wise Kids'. I'm gonna go watch both those movies!

That's what you say now, but just wait until the People's Court get ahold of her!

THAT'S MY JOB!

This is confusing and makes zero sense.

Well, because it's not a free market when Hillary Clinton pays the protesters with money that Saudi Arabia pays her through the phony Clinton Initiative. Donald Trump represents the true spirit of American individualism. He didn't defraud people in come pay-to-play scheme to amass political power. No, he worked…

That's mostly Steve Bannon. And in all fairness, he actually is one of the least anti-semetic people that Bannon knows.

This is so corny and unbelievable. Let me guess, the villain is some kind of fat, slobby old white guy with an almost cartoonishly inflated sense of self-worth. Probably assisted by a craven high powered technocratic woman who will do anything to ride his lard stained coat tails. And then everyone cheers at the end…

I should probably keep the President away from Nazi Concentration Camps. He still doesn't know the difference between Cable News, Documentaries, and Do-It-Yourself Guides.

Yes, but the global community hated Obama because he was too weak. They hate Trump because he's too strong. In fact, I'll bet you here and now that none of America's enemies* will challenge us now that Trump has proved how tough he really is.

Tell you what. Maybe if Ivanka Trump's sales are high, then I'll tell the President not to sink that Russian ship. Get to Nordstroms, people!

What? Donald told me that it was scheduled for next Fall!

That's vicious slander. Donald Trump never completed a course on English grammar because his Dad paid for his degree. Get your facts straight, liberal media.

Alright, everyone, take a deep breath and calm down. I just moved the nuclear football to the top of a big flight of stairs. We should be safe now.