Good thing our President wasn't elected to be polite. He was elected to purge our country of the uncleanliness that is the lesser races.

As opposed to yours truly, who is basically a Republican H-Yeezy.

Excuse me. Is this administration hemmorraging credibility faster than Hillary Clinton's inbox is hemmorraging emails?

Well, no, I'm not FUCKING KIDDING you. Because if you look at the facts, the top story of the day shouldn't be the left's obsession with trying to start a new cold war. What it really should be is Hillary Clinton's 60 billion trillion deleted emails. But sure, let's just focus on these so-called 'constitutional…

Hey, Netflix! Imma let you finish, but Hulu had the best . . . they had the best . . . well, I'm sure they've got something that's worth watching.

Yes I did!

Actually, the President can't have a conflict of interest. It's impossible for the President to break ethics laws. It's also impossible for him to be guilty of rape. In fact, the President cannot be convicted on any grounds whatsoever.

Isn't it funny how the mainstream media doesn't know how to handle politicians who don't contradict themselves all the time? With Donald Trump you know that if Steve Bannon tells him to say something, then he'll stand by those words no matter what.

I'm proud to be part of an administration that has the courage to do things that nobody has ever done before. I think if this election tells us anything, it's that Americans are ready for a change from the Washington status quo. That's just one of many reasons why the government of the United States is happy to be…

Have you ever stopped to think that maybe Paul Ryan really wants to get away from all this but he can't because he's in too deep and Trump has his life essence captured in a crystal sphere that he keeps stashed behind the Resolute desk and THAT'S WHY SHE LOOKS LIKE AN EMACIATED ZOMBIE CORPSE BRIDE?

Unfair media doesn't tell the full story. Paul Ryan hasn't masturbated in the kitchen since he and Mike Pence had that little talk.

Typical mainstream media and west coast elites with their technology. Listen up, virtual reality. Imma let you finish, but Beyonce's reality is the best reality of all time.

Donald Trump writes his Executive Orders so fast because he's a go-getter who knows what he wants and goes for it. Granted, what he wants is usually to grab Sarah the intern's crotch, but dammit if he doesn't give it his all.

Eugh. White Walkers. We got them to reanimate Steve Bannon's corpse after he died eight months ago. Took eight rails of cocaine and had a heart attack on top of a terrified Asian prostitute. Now he's got this waxy sheen and leaves a faint necrotic smell wherever he goes. Worst. Deal. Ever.

Only if she pays me the way the Wall Street bankers payed her to ruin America. Trust me, I know. At least, we hired all of them for our cabinet and that's what we're bribing them to say.

I think the real question is why America is letting an immigrant come here and take our — what's that? He's white? Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I thought he was one of those immigrants.

Amon Hen is the new Benghazi.

I think what we really should be talking about are Aragorn's 60,000 deleted carrier pidgeons.

I apologize for nothing.

Spicer gets paid $17.76 for lying? Dammit, I only get 80 cents on the dollar when I do it.