Has it ever bothered anyone else that Johnny Castle’s “time of his life” included helping a friend with a botched abortion, being accused of theft, and being fired? That’s a shitty time in anyone’s life.

I actually got to see him in person a few months ago when he was doing a show here - he did a book signing and lecture at our library too. I spoke words to him. They were coherent words. Words came out of my mouthhole and made sense and he answered my question and it was beautiful.

Given the nazi vibe, I’m surprised they didn’t go with “Nivea 4 Eva”

Whatever​ happened to unicorns being the hot bi chick DTF significantly less attractive het couples?

“CITIZEN! WE HAVE FOUND A TIND- NO, NOT YOU. THE HOT ONE... CITIZEN! WE HAVE FOUND A TINDER MATCH FOR YOU.”

You’re walking your dog down the street when a drone flies up to you with some fucked up and overly strident robotic voice - “CITIZEN! WE HAVE FOUND A TINDER MATCH FOR YOU. HE IS (RACE), WITH (COLOR) EYES, AND (COLOR) HAIR - HE ENJOYS (LENGTH OF TIME) WALKS ON THE BEACH AND PREFERS (CATS OR DOGS). HE IS “(DIRECT QUOTE…

I’ve always been partial to Url for a boy & Jazz Sandwich for a girl.

SOLUTION 1: I put all my contacts in discrete groups and assign different ringtones to each group. So Family has one sound, Friends has a different sound, Businesses a different one, and so on. I assigned a very quiet message tone to the “default” ringtone so even if I heard it, the sound wouldn’t annoy me.

like... REALLY good.

This is why having girls is nice, it’s all buttonless leggings all the time.

I’m hoping for McDonnell as the President, Sagal as First Lady, and Griffiths as their daughter.

If you’re not reading McMansion Hell, you should be. This type of rug abuse is common.

Gin is the best. It is known.

I had always heard that the song to be played upon her death was Tubthumping by Chumbawamba.

This sounds like something I would use to clean my house (diluted with water and minus the simple syrup.) One spray on the counter, one spray in my mouth.

The Darwin Awards ought to introduce a fashion category.

¿por que no los dos?

We haven’t had a good one of those in a while. We are seriously overdue!

Queen Elizabeth, a Protestant Anglican, married her second cousin Prince Phillip, a Greek Orthodox.