The paging Dr. Faggot joke is still how guys talk to each other, Drew. You know it and I know it. We just can’t say it in public anymore, but we all know its still how people talk. Which should be okay.

From the ashes, they will rise.

The article exists because Tom Ley saw the movie and wanted to criticize an aspect of it. You’ve had three days to see the movie. (I still haven’t.) It’s silly to get mad about people talking about it before you’ve seen it.

So when Captain America thunderkicks some guy across the room into a cement pillar...that guy is dead right? Like he kills those guys? If you’re a normal person and you’re being punched by Captain America, aren’t you then a dead normal person? Or does he dial the force of his punches back just enough to knock you out?

“Let’s see what’s in the funbag today!”

It’s crazy to me about the double standard people hold for athletes. A kid tweets out something stupid and it’s “Character concerns” and “maturity issues.” A full grown man tweets out some piss baby rant and it’s “Kids these days need to toughen up!”

Nah, get that money. I’m just poking fun at him for being corny online.

So close to a Linkin Park lyric. Come on Kevin! Also thank you for the explanation.

How much talcum powder and beef jerky do you guys typically carry in your cargo shorts to a first date?

“because they have good readers”

Not gonna lie, it’s kind of weird that when you guys don’t want to work, you hang out in the Deadspin comments section too. Shouldn’t you be hanging out in a warehouse or office park or something instead?

I don’t know, probably

You’ll get nothing and like it

I laughed out loud at my desk.

I’ve composed a poem/insane person rant using all of Drew’s all caps words:

I don’t know. It seemed already pretty bungled when they signed it to play quarterback.

YOU *KANNAWT* UNDAHRSTAHND THA PAINEN HAHHTHBRAEK AHWF AH FAN AHWF THA FOOTBAWHL SAWX

So Donald Trump gets the most votes and now the authorities are working to prevent him getting the nomination?

Also of note, walking four times sets a one-day record for people who live in Ohio.