To appease the burgeoning Belgian market, Titans and Colts uniforms will come with little white Smurf caps instead of helmets.

Value* Voters Conference

“Three words: rare earth mining”

That explains what QBs bark out under center before yelling “HIKE,” which must represent municipal taxes when they get their publicly financed stadiums.

(mimes a two-handed backhand) THAT’S CLEARLY A TENNIS MOVE

The requisite intent was there, but the activity had not come to fruition, so the best we can charge with him is attempted move or conspiracy to make a move.

(Brown catches the ball) (starts bitching about the softness of new players) (puts his name on a car dealership) (makes a cameo in a Papa John’s commercial, saying “AND A FREE APPLE CINNAMON PIZZA”)

Something about the officials’/NFL’s response reminds me of a shock jock DJ who admonishes a nutty caller with “Oh come on, you’ve gone too far” while subliminally whispering “keep going, keep going.”

Just do what Ed Sullivan did for Elvis Presley: film him from the waist up and get him addicted to barbiturates.

You’ll never convince me he didn’t screw up a good thing with Vince Young because of Vince’s dismantling of Fisher’s beloved Trojans in the national championship game.

The second half of that snoozer was him alternately saying Behhhhhhhhh and Bahhhhhhhhh for 80 minutes.

His memory loss issues are only rivaled by his self-evaluation issues.

The whole process can be short-circuited if the player in question at any moment utters the words “I’m good” and he has more than one national ad campaign.

“You know, it’s only as dangerous as falling off a bike, or taking only 20 Vicodin in a day instead of your normal 30" — Jim Irsay

(huge numbers sideline personnel line up to slam/maim a hysterical Carson Wentz on Sunday) This is like an Airplane!-level lack of poise

I heard that one of the players incorrectly sang “Oh hey does that Star-Spangled banner yet wave..” and the overwhelmed League was still dealing with the fallout hours later.

(in a buying mood)(looks up “A Championship in the 21st Century” on Amazon) (no results returned)

+1 Republic serial villain.

What Do You Get For The Man Who’s Written Everything?

I just think it’s great that Draft Kings is instituting both one-week fantasy neurologist AND rehabilitative speech therapist drafts, I look to finally make some bank this year. Games are for children, this is the BIG TIME.