Hopefully his defense that he believed himself to be a Southern Senator at the time immediately preceding the Civil War will be successful.

But what if the anthem were changed to The Clash’s “I’m So Bored with the USA”?

By the end of the word salad I’m surprised if he even remembered the analogy or the topic sentence.

I’m just glad you didn’t palm off this exercise on someone else

Plus, he was over four years old.

I still prefer the Inorganic Replica Housewives of New York, true they’re only Styrofoam wig display heads placed on bodies made out of chicken wire and nobody ever speaks but diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks I guess.

I no longer take his banal bromides about patriotism and meaningless rituals seriously anymore!

I’ve had pasta Blandino and it was just awful, just no flavor at all.

My reactionary uncle just forwarded a chain e-mail called “Freedom of Speech.. Just Watch What You Say” and I said “that’s totally the name of an Ice-T album” and he said “that nice cop from SVU?”

PS I can’t believe the Round Rock 8 movie theater is still there, and still showing dogshit 2-month-old movies.

(wakes up, Rip Van Winkle-style) HOW FARES COMMANDER CODY CARLSON

As long as Funkadelic stays strong we all might have a shot at survival.

Sounds like the guy with a woman’s name is overcompensating.

To be fair, Selden did get air rather than a bed & breakfast.

Instructional League Manager: Wow, that’s quite a change-up.

Aleppo is to Pinocchio what Lor is to Data.

His play in the field is hindered by constantly exchanging long protein strands through holding of hands with SS Jung-Ho Kodos.

You shouldn’t hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once... ONCE.

This stadium is to Home Depot what the Vietnam War was to Brown & Root. More like Arthur Blank Check.

I’m getting Keyed up just thinking about it.