To be fair, Selden did get air rather than a bed & breakfast.

Instructional League Manager: Wow, that’s quite a change-up.

Aleppo is to Pinocchio what Lor is to Data.

His play in the field is hindered by constantly exchanging long protein strands through holding of hands with SS Jung-Ho Kodos.

You shouldn’t hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once... ONCE.

This stadium is to Home Depot what the Vietnam War was to Brown & Root. More like Arthur Blank Check.

I’m getting Keyed up just thinking about it.

“In all fairness, I am high as fuck right now, Barnicle Bill the Sailor”

(Day 17 of a difficult run in winter ball in Panama. A phone call is made)

“What’cha got cookin’ today, Papa?”

When’s that cricket sub-site going online?

Original title: Subtle As a Flying Mallet

(sullen millennial looks at me)

“Got your nose” “GOT YOUR WALLET”

Thank God they’re water-resistant what with the melting icecaps and rising sea levels.

I asked that jagoff to fix my toilet three weeks ago.

Something tells me if you raid Jack Harbaugh’s basement you’ll find two Skinner boxes.

(reporter yells SYRIAN REFUGEES) (Goodell pisses his pants)

Yes, let’s all respect a country that produces an unregulated industry which pays a human sock puppet $43 million per annum to mouth non sequiturs for a gormless populace.

“Get out, get out! This is a place of business, not a pee-wee flophouse!”