I guess the Southern version of ‘It’ would have the catchphrase “Y’all wanna float or not?”

It’s true, every time somebody kneels for the anthem or kind of half-heartedly mumbles the incorrect words to that interminable middle part, a soldier is incapacitated by an IED and the VA has its funding cut 0.01%

(President Obama is presented with executive order changing national anthem to The Clash’s “I’m So Bored with the USA,” signs it “Checkmate, Torts”)

Here is Findlaw’s state-by-state rundown on statute of limitations for the inevitable “why this, but why not this” arguments.

Donald Sutherland: “Where are you from, soldier?”

Announcer: We now return to ‘Search for the Sun.’
Woman: Accordin’ to Daddy’s will, I inherit the entire plantation.
Man: I’ll see to it you don’t get apricot one

You dodged a bullet, West Deptford, wherever the fuck you are.

That’s because if the charges stuck then Ezekiel’s jersey would yield lesser profits.

I think the missing variable is trading seven picks in 2016 and 2017, i.e. leveraging your long-term future, to get to the No. 1 overall pick who can’t even be counted on as a backup. Manning and Aikman fell into the Colts/Cowboys’ laps, so why not go ahead and start them.

(tinny voice from biometric ticket) Garwsh there seems ta be somethin’ wrong with your retinas.

Shit I forgot “and owned by an avaricious, unscrupulous, toupeed basket case”

Bonus points if there are any “face of the franchise” billboards in LA improvidently put up with Goff’s picture to publicize the return of this moribund franchise to a shitty stadium in a town that doesn’t care.

Unfortunately you can only take down the Death Star one in a million times, according to the odds Han Solo calculated.

Sieges are traditionally associated with standing armies, not with a pirate ships that generally operated as small, autonomous units for maximum getaway speed and stealth.

#ProvidingAppropriateToolsRequiredtoInterceptandObstructTerrorism

#JetFuelBurnsHot

#TooManyMenOnTheFieldPenalty

#BearlyAlive

If I remember correctly it’s Swedish for “Cheers”, either that or a cinnamon schnapps-flavored chewing tobacco.