#TheCupboardIsBear

I prefer #DidYouMissUsWaitDontAnswerThat

Come on, boring hashtaggers, surely you could try something interesting:

He might as well be that announcer that sounds like he’s having a grand mal seizure when describing an A-bomb from A-rod

I just feel we need a Jheri-curled Sam Jackson in a black suit, waving a gun around and screaming “Say ‘both sides are the same’ again, motherfucker!”

I like the Astros’ mix of young players, overpaid Cuban exiles of indeterminate age, the height-challenged, several Rob Deer types, and no discernible starting pitching to speak of (two behind the Orioles for the 2nd wild card spot, 1.5 ahead of the Yankees.

I keep hoping for a redneck version of Dr. Who called Dr. Do What Now

If Tony LaRussa was behind it, then I’d ask his assistant General Manager, Jack Daniels.

Sorry, Houston hit its limit of 100,000 strip clubs in the late 90s and no new applications are being accepted.

I’m looking forward to their off-off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway revue, Ailes Fair in Love in War.

(scores TD)

Pictured: Britney Spears’ lawyer

Anything where robots or cyborgs have replaced humans, like Cyberball 2072 or Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball

The Goths rebelled? Because The Cure canceled their concert gig?

Well if the documentary Poltergeist is any indication the pipeline construction workers should now be haunted by clowns and people-eating trees for the rest of time.

He ~is~ very Napoleonic... in stature.

Call your provider today and tell them YOU WANT FOX SPORTS 1 OFF YOUR CABLE PACKAGE, WHEREVER THE FUCK IT IS, PROBABLY BETWEEN CINEMAX LATINO AND THE TEETH WHITENING INFOMERCIAL CHANNEL

I always wonder why he never repeated the more listenable voice from Nashville Skyline (my favorite album of his), but he has such an interesting collection of songs that the covers alone could fill up an entire library. My current favorite: Built to Spill’s Jokerman.

Never sleep on Dozer.

If you say “Housekeeping” to him he turns into the Hulk.