Sorry, Mexico, throwing my support behind the Great Wall of the Rio Grande Project, but only if it can be constructed while he’s there and is equipped with anti-aircraft guns

Holy shit, how many of my uncles are NFL executives? I never knew!

(Gen-X scoff) More like the Scarlet NOTS

Shouldn’t nostalgic millennials be classified like “central intelligence” or “peacekeeper missile”?

Have there been/will there be Data-Analyzing Robot Youth Lifeforms?

Are Corgi hoarders called Corgders?

IN all fairness, the NFL’s concussion expert all those years doesn’t believe in highfalutin gizmos like X-rays or MRIs where simple trepanning, leeching, or phrenological diagnostics will do.

“And if women were liquid metal cyborgs impervious to blunt force trauma and extreme heat just think of the rape statistics then.”

Test one: Organize this passel of corgis by size and weight

Well he can’t abort his attempt to make an MLB team now.

What is the Mexican Romneys policy on harboring international LDS fugitives clinging to polygamy?

I’m sure we’re seeing about 10 of the 14 elements of fascism in the reactionary response to some twentysomething backup QB expressing some frustration about the country. The flag is the country is the troops is your freedom. Nobody’s died for your freedoms since 1945 (generously) or 1865 (realistically).

It’s kind of what Houston did last season (Houston had better starting pitching); but sooner or later teams discover that 3-4 Rob Deers/Dave Kingmans in the middle of the lineup + bad starting pitching is not a recipe for clutch September games or the playoffs.

I’ll give it up to the Orioles’ farm system, way not to produce any sort of pitcher that would make management consider removing a guy like Jimenez with a 6.50 ERA from the rotation.

The dugout was loopy all night from paint remover fumes

AND HERE COME THE NYC HOUSING ANECDOTES FROM THE GORMLESS SHITBAGS

Swearing and Praying is my favorite Drivin’ n’ Cryin’ cover band

What’s Spanish for “garbage barge” or “shitty buffet”?

My train’s breath smells like train food

Whenever I complained about the New York-centric horseshit on Gawker, I got plenty of pushback. Now what’s the fucking excuse.