Kugler: [returns to office in darkened UTEP field house]

And like most assaults in Brooklyn, no one was there to witness it.

Somewhere, Dan Snyder is smiling.

Ten minutes later, his Frosty was ready.

But wait, does Matt Kalil still get credit for an own now that he has apologized?

Considering how punchable that face is, he got off lucky.

"Come on, just the Tisch."

Answering every question with a "yeah" is what got me fired from my job as a suicide hotline operator.

Jesus Christ she really likes cake, huh?

Boss: "I got some bad news guys..."

Lance Armstrong.

Hitler?

Jimmy Savile (maybe not a household name in the US)

"He made a large black guy cry? Nice."

Michael Jackson?

Usually when a rapist makes a Notre Dame student cry he gets drafted by the Falcons.

"These woods over here?"

Because we've been laughing about it at the office, it's worth revisiting what Tiger's actual words sound like:

We found six bottles of water and have been rationing it.

Okay, I suppose gentle satire. Fine.