““What this ball represents and what this hole represents are the first four games of the season. The first quarter of our season … This ball, to me, goes in this hole! Okay?” You will not find a more motivational hole than the hole Tony Sparano dug.”

This is why it’s handy to know the numbers the store’s slicer uses for thickness. Telling whatever slackwit behind the counter what number to use severely cuts down their chances to fuck up your lunches for the next week.

A life lived by Kenny Chesney lyrics is not a life worth living.

That’d work on me, and outside of my own, I’m not particularly partial to dick.

This might finally supplant the Randy Marsh ectoplasm gif in my rotation.

I was 85% done with this season before Ray got gotten, and then that finished off the other 15%. If, as seems almost certain, it was a bullshit fakeout, I’m still done, and I’ll mentally erase everything about season one but that killer scene with Alexandra Daddario.

Sure CNN is a joke, but the flag is in pretty poor taste. Funny, but poor taste.

I’d argue that there’s an appreciable distinction between Ray Rice and AP. As near as I can tell, the Ray Rice punch was legitimately an aberration, where AP pretty blatantly believes in and practices corporal punishment.

Are tacos not a subcategory of sandwich?

The real question is hash rounds or tater tots, and the answer is hash rounds.

The good old days, when men were men and horses were horses.

There is one considerable difference, though. For your $10 to everyone else, you get your music on whatever you have handy. I somehow doubt I’ll be seeing Apple Music showing up in the Play store or on my PS4.

They're also the least shitty preteens to ever exist. My wife made me watch with her last season, and for the most part, they're all nice little kids. It's unsettling.

Tom Haverford added at least five years on the back of however long it would normally have been.

The gulf between the Facebook and Kinja comments is like moving from Alabama to Seattle. Thanks for not being gutter people, Kinja.

They save a ton of money by constructing baseball carbons and just letting them turn into diamonds when this kid takes the field.

The fuck is Liberia trying to pull?

Hard to believe that gentleman would’ve had cause to be photographed by a law enforcement agency.

Freshman year of high school, a group of my friends and I got together for one of our birthdays at the local pizza place and hung out for most of the day, shooting pool and just generally dicking around in that way you can only really manage as a teenager. There were six of us, and we worked through four large pizzas…

Which role is less likely to kill me? Gotta think a destroyer is safer than a fighter jet.