Drake has always been a bitch. I mean someone has to say it and I guess that person is me today.

Police later found an unloaded gun in his back pocket, and determined his BAC had been nearly five times over the legal limit. 

I know. I was like, “Do they read The Root?”

I agree. I always sit on the bathmat before I pee on it. Glad we’re on the same page

I am going forward believing that you are in fact a woman that just stands up and blasts piss in any environment where you’re not required to be considerate. Good day, ma’am

Have you ever been in a bathroom used only be a woman, let alone one with multiple women? They’re fucking disaster zones.

White people elected him.

Are you kidding me? You think this is on her?

very first post is victim blaming. good fucking job.

Leftover lentil sloppy joes

Uhhhh, do me a favor bud. Reach your arms up above your head, and then measure the distance from the top of your head to the middle of your palm (where you’d be palming a basketball). Does that measure 3 feet? If so, holy shit you are a freak of nature.

It sometimes feels as though this column is uniquely devoted to making fun of Baseball for having unwritten rules combined with a frank and honest discussion about the unwritten rules of air travel and using the shitter.

Yeah, my understanding with bear attacks (if you don’t have a gun or bear spray):

Not looking good. God Bless All!

Our bodies are not built to fight large cats. We have thin skin that doesn’t do a good job protecting our vitals from large claws and huge teeth. We’re good at problem solving and throwing things, and we’re built to do some physical things quite well, but fighting large cats and bears is not what we excel at.

LOOK DIPSHIT, THE WOMAN WAS SPEAKING NOT-ENGLISH! NOT EVERYONE WENT TO SOME FANCY LIBERAL COLLEGE WHERE THEY TEACH YOU TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOMEONE SPEAKING MEXICAN AND SOMEONE SPEAKING CANADIAN. FOR ALL HE KNEW, SHE SNUCK OVER FROM MONTREAL. HE’S A REAL WORKING MAN, NOT AN IVORY TOWER LIBERAL THAT CAN TELL…

THIS FUCKING GUY DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT FUCKING BORDER HE IS WORKING NEAR! YOU’RE AT THE ONE WITHOUT THE MEXICANS, DIPSHIT!

“They don’t make ‘em like they used” - Correct: Modern cars aren’t deathtraps and can also turn and stop.