He’s living proof that you can get a Doctorate and still be unfathomably stupid. I listened to a couple minutes of an interview he gave and I’m pretty sure I have CTE from bashing my head on the desk.

The Malik McDowell pick is a hilarious exercise in “when trading down goes wrong.” Here’s the timeline, I think:

That would easily be Magary’s line of the year, if he hadn’t previously come up with “Vikings fans travel about as well as Buddy Holly.”

Old person here.  Sia and Ciara are two different things?

If this was around 2000, all Landry’s hits would be compiled into a video with “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” playing in the background.

[Transports back to mid-2000s]: He got JACKED UP!

...watch this bomb from Mahomes to Tyreek Hill, over the top of triple coverage for a 69-yard touchdown.

SHE MUST PROTECT HIS HOUSE!

Shoulda gotten a rabbi, very few of them are hot doggers.

Before mine, I’m curious if Megan can share what would be an appropriate amount of human blood in her soup that would stop her from throwing soup out?

Story 1: When I was 6, I tried walking up the outside of a piece of playground equipment (pictured, the curved ladder-like portion). Not using my hands. Just balancing and stepping from one run to the other.

When I was a kid, I liked to jump up and touch the overhang of a doorway between the kitchen and hallway of my parent’s house every time I walked through it. I was pretending that I was Shaq dunking or something. Probably did it over 5,000 times when I estimate at least 5 jumps a day over a few years. Well when I was…

I was 13 and trying to impress a girl I liked, so I tried to catch a football with one hand while making eye contact with her. Our eyes locked for a few seconds while I felt the point of the ball connect perfectly with my right pinkie. It was cold outside so the ball was basically a weapon. Severely dislocated, I…

I could list one for every week in which I’ve been alive. My personal brand is that I hurt myself endlessly in stupid ways (amusingly, I rarely hurt myself doing things that seem like they should hurt me - I once tore out an entire bedroom from a house and the most grievous injury I sustained that week by far was when…

Ow, fuck.  Owwwwww.

When I was 6, I decided that spinning around my living room with my arms out would be fun. I smacked into a corner at full speed and broke my collar bone.

“Why would I wait five days for one pitch?”

Because managers won’t let pitchers in the rotation hit guys faster than that.

Now that’s just disre2pectful.