[storms into Blazers press conference] “Found you, you son of a bitch!”

Shawn Long’s Lawn Blog

+1 George.....George Glass!

Sports Cubs fans are THE WORST.

Yep. Reminds me of my Grandfather. Used to watch this religiously. I had to go outside and turn the damn TV antenna just to pick up the station that was about 200 miles away.

It’s the same fucking Chipotle menu you’ve seen 30 times, Darleen. Just pick what you always fucking pick.

I can’t really disagree with you. Except, which government entity will pay for that construction?

Big deal. I just took a shit and I didn’t have to fight anybody or nothin.

Fuck you, that’s goddamned brilliant +1

This is my summer kick off classic...

A boat’s a boat, but a mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat!

No. See. Ok. So back in 1998 while investigating the murder of Laura Palmer, the REAL Phil Jackson somehow managed to travel “between dimensions” and he became “stuck” in what’s referred to as “the black lodge,” which is sort of an interdimensional purgatory. Anyway, since his essence passed from this realm into that…

Its the Braves, if they don’t like the results, they can always take it back.

Also, how can I divorce Boris Becker.

It must happen, somehow.

“And it looks like they’re going to keep Carlos ‘PORNHUB’ Martinez in the game for the start of the seventh inning.”

It’s tough to get anyone in Washington to admit to obstruction these days.

you da real mgd

You totally missed the opportunity to say “the mayor hit the ceiling, which is also the roof.”

My mom usually lights a Yankee Candle when my old man beefs. Nothing to get worked up about.