And a Potion Castle!!!

I was at the house of my then FWB. I had just finished smoking a bowl when I noticed that Explosions in the Sky were on Austin City Limits. Baked as fuck, I was totally down for this as background music to sexy times. She looked me dead in the face and asked “How can you listen to music with, like, no words?” I stood…

“Papa Don’t Preach” by Madonna.

That’s why you can’t have nice things, Cubs fans.

Whaley: (frantically searches phone for Rex Ryan’s new number)

So dumb. Take your star and go home.

Replace “trunk of Toyota Tercel” with “off the mirror cover from the sun visor of a 1997 Chevy Blazer” and I’m right there with you.

“I Will Be Heard” - Hatebreed

“I Will Not Follow” - Nails

“Bitches” - Mindless Self Indulgence

“His Girl” - Budos Band

“The Stallion” - Bathory

“In the Face of Evil” - Magic Sword

I could see boning down to the Conan the Barbarian soundtrack, actually. And Pig Destroyer makes for some good hard fucking, let’s get this over quickly and go back to work sex tunes.

Yeah cause nothing says BONER like Less Than Jake, or Save Ferris.

There’s no fucking way my fiancée and I are sexxxing to music. She likes country, I like black metal. I don’t imagine sexy time going well if “Woman of Dark Desire” by Bathory comes on. Nor am I enjoying myself if “Ropin’ The Wind” is filling my ears. Weirdly, the one thing we both agree on is late 80s/early 90s…

He’s no longer young, either.

High motor, high character guys.

Alternate Timeline Tom Brady on the right.

Whiny Big Men Hall of Fame?