They can't. International waters!

Anyone who crawled through the doggie door at Orchids of Asia.

Have you been asleep the last few years or something? The entire media landscape that exists from left-of-center on rightwards has been framing randos having platforms on which to criticize the rich and powerful as the existential crisis that will end the American republic.

It was a million-to-one shot, doc! Million-to-one!

Well maybe the helmet spontaneously spun 180 degrees and then jumped off Sanders' head. Who are any of us, referees or not, to say for sure that isn't what happened?

#Ackshully, he drove across 3 states wearing it as a hat.

There really isn’t that level of thought behind it. Trump is like a mouse who has to hit a button to get its food. At first it tentatively hits that thing to get a food pellet. Once it figures out that every time it hits the button it gets a food pellet, the fucking thing will hammer that button and eat pellets until…

With the impending forehead shortage, that could set off the next recession.

Have you tried being publicly awful? Purity of the white race, things of that nature?

So your defense is that lifelong devout Catholic Joe Paterno had no conception that men sexually abusing children was a thing that existed in the world, in the years of our Lord 2001-2011.

Gladwell has a point, there is no way a lifelong Catholic would understand that sometimes grown men rape young boys.

Right? The critique isn’t just that Paterno never called the cops in 2002 or whenever it was McQueary told him about it, it’s that Sandusky raped and molested children for decades while he was a part of Paterno’s coaching staff. Joe did what all of these horrible institutional people do, and simply ignored it hoping…

I love galaxy-brain play-calling where a coach runs a draw on 3rd and long, gets like 2 yards from the sticks, and then punts. 

Also, when challenged to a footrace the coach always replies, “I choose not to run!”

I don’t think he FOOTBAWS either, because that shot at 6 comes with a high probability chance at a 7th point.

Analytics are for gay libs and cucks.

But what of the dudes in brown flip-flops??

Eli Manning is going to have to ask the crowd to “Please clap” at his Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

A duel between what would be the best public relations for the Patriots (sit him)

I dunno, I feel like age isn’t talked about nearly enough, and other things are talked about way too much. As we saw in 2016, one can very easily simply tell a bunch of lies about one’s priorities and policies and generally fool most of the media into carrying that water for you. But you can’t fake mental acuity.