“Hey Crystal, wake up!”

You should be ashamed. You root for a racial slur.

Maybe if your threeway isn't MMM, but what's the point of that?

I feel like in general you actually have a better chance of getting away with strutting around naked or dropping a sidewalk deuce if there are a lot of people around.

One person should not have control over such a stupidly powerful company and should not be felt sorry for for having to give up that control.

A few years ago this would be because people wouldn’t want to offend you for your crazy nude religion by reporting you.

50 bucks says they had to show it to Eli first, and he retained veto rights if any of the passes traveled too far or too fast.

It’s like an ostrich broke into Gruden’s QB Boot Camp.

“Showing up at 5 AM” also qualifies one to work at a bakery. Or a coffee shop. Or really anywhere that makes things which people will consume in the morning. Which is in no way meant as a slight to people in that line of work, their willingness to show up early and feed people coffee and baked goods first thing is…

They mean guys who are already well on their way down the slope of mental decline that ends with a post in Trump’s cabinet.

This is a world where people kept lending Donald Trump money for decades after everyone found out he was a lying, incompetent con man who was just going to take the money and never pay it back.

This is one of our many light switches. It functions in both the “on” and “off” mode.

Hogwash! I once watched “Gentleman” Jim Corbett fight an Eskimo fellow bare-knuckled for a hundred and thirteen rounds!

People often confuse lots of prose with “good writing.” Which is why this style persists.

I’m getting served Baby Abercrombie ads on this and now I'm pretty sure that it is, in fact, I who sucks.

Nothing beats those summer days where it's hot enough for a football coach to kill a kid by making him practice without access to water.

It's got what plants crave.

Your mom could just have been a worrywart though.

Happens all the time. These women no doubt got a million requests like this in a very short period of time. She’s relying on her people to sort them out and not bring her toxic ones to sign off on. They obviously fucked it up.

In normal business, if you want to prevent someone from bargaining with someone else while you get legally binding documents written up around a handshake agreement, you sign a contract and PAY THE PERSON MONEY not to shop around in the meantime.