You know that tomatoes have sugar in them, right? You can’t tell how much sugar is added from the dietary guide.

Trevor Noah’s voice (not just his comic voice but his actual, physical voice) are very different from Jon’s. He speaks at a higher pitch, with a very precise, staccato delivery. His accent has a more aristocratic air, far less relatable than Jon's rich, casual growl. It will take the writers a few months to find the…

That's hilariously cynical, but breast cancer already gets nearly 1/4 of all type-specific cancer funding in the US (23.7%).
http://www.cancer.org/research/curre…

That reminds me, I need to start swimming again.

"Ben Carson said that the new $10 bill should feature his mother..."

" I even wrote down a short list of candidates: Alice Paul, Ida B. Wells, Rachel Carson, the Grimke sisters, Shirley Chisholm." Rachel Carson? Ben's mom???

"Mom! Mom! Joey's looking at me!!"

This is nonsense. No other sport has such a narrow definition of “respect” and “professionalism”. Baseball players are so sensitive.

Exactly. This was a very good apology.

Men are told from puberty that the best way to detect testicular cancer is with our hands.

In the 80s, we were moving to a new house. When the basement couch was picked up, there was an Oreo wafer under it. Being 11, I thought I had struck gold.

It was pretty thoughtless of Vick to go 1-and-out after the Chargers extended TD drive.

“We vigorously object to Michael Vick’s involvement with the Wildcat.”

Rembert, Barnwell, Lowe, and Molly Lambert.

+1 Welcome back

It means that Black people can succeed in America if they're literally one of the best in the world at what they do. You know, equality.

Yeah, I’m totally going to get written up if we go to performance reviews. I need to start jogging or something.

So Rooney Mara turns down the part; the producers realise she is serious, like, for reals; immediately hire the reincarnation of Sacagawea to play the role? Is that how this plays out in your mind? Or are you just blaming Mara because she's the one you know, and blaming is fun?

Rumble in the Grundle 2: Put Up Yer Deuce

Ruckus in the Tuchus