The rot starts at the top:

Who cares?

I think a part of it is that Durant is a sensitive dude, and I think that’s okay. I respect it. And all the money and fame and success won’t turn someone who’s naturally insecure and introspective into Russell Westbrook. Some of the most successful people in all industries are walking around with imposter syndrome.

I didn't know I wanted to see Palpatine eat Ewoks until right now. 

Carol didn’t flinch because it known throughout the universe...Thor doesn’t aim for the head.

i had to buy a storage unit

I’ll bet the runner got the lion’s back and sunk a rear naked choke - only way to do it without getting shredded.

That’s why you should always have a favorite child, and one that just doesn’t quite live up to expectations.

As one of three people that got your joke, I salute you.

How long until Dana White signs this guy? Seems like he has a good ground game. 

As the final breath escaped the mountain lion’s lungs, he whispered defiantly, “My name is Mellencamp.”

Right?! Those dudes are hiding out right now, giving each other sad, delusional pep talks and shit. That pride is basically the Knicks of Northern Colorado. I bet they’ve already sold their best lion to Wyoming for like two deer.

Are you shitting me? Dude is going to spend the rest of his life not paying for a beer. 

I would give you two star clicks if I could - one for making a funny comment, and one for keeping a masturbation diary.

Talk firmly to the cut until it stops bleeding.

Just one question: what was Chuck Norris doing in Colorado?

now the idiot is probably going to die of cancer or something.  what a waste of a badass way to leave this awful existence

Talk calmly and firmly to it

I once had a cougar bite my dick but she apologized afterwards. Nevertheless, I backed slowly away.

I think I found his wallet: