I was already just clinging to life with this comment. But “pet a cat backwards” produced this gem.

I’ve got to go with #DoesHeLickItFromTheFrontToTheBack. Cuz I just can’t deal with another UTI right now.

Your argument is persuasive, but that is still a child’s hoop in the photo.

Right?

Why is it so hard for people to say “I fucked up royally. I’m so angry and disappointed in myself. I hope she can forgive me some day, but I committed this disgusting act against her, for which there is no excuse, and deserve whatever is coming my way. I’m truly sorry to everyone who I’ve let down.” ???

Oh good. Because I was totally worried about HIS recovery.

Oh, he’s NOT a villain. Well, that cleared that up!

For some reason I don’t feel like blaming the loss on the only guy who scored points for his team yesterday.

Are we ruling out the possibility that he’s secretly sworn to the Dallas Cowboys, though?

May he.

Well, can he?

“Communication. I don't really get it, don't really get into it, but all the other successful marriages and families seem to do it, so I guess ya gotta do it. See you next week, guys."

Kristen Wiig is funny but she doesn’t get enough credit for her dramatic range.

Somewhere, a ‘STICK TO SPORTS!!1!!1!’ Deadspin commenter sits in front of a computer screen, sweating, unable to move, broken.