Again, the Nationals get it backwards. You’re supposed to bench your listless closer BEFORE he chokes away the season.

I want to dismiss them, but Portishead. ‘Nuff said.

Goddamnit, even the Canadians are doing the ice bucket challenge? WHEN WILL IT END!?!?!?!?

Served with net crabs

I’m 90% sure she wasn’t serious. Or perhaps she was just trolling.

Crack dealers don’t walk. They run.

I think in solidarity with all the people Deadpan has gleefully embarrassed over the years, AJ should post a photo of his dick here. You know, for old times sake.

This may be the single greatest exchange in the history of Deadspin. Praiseworthy stupidity by all parties. Simply marvelous!

I mean… is there any athlete on Earth you pity less in defeat than this man?

So, we all hate cable. Noted.

So, we all hate cable. Noted.

I’m so hard right now.

“They’ll blow us at home, they’ll blow us away, they’ll blow us in Africa!”

Where the hell is Drew?!?! I there ever was an article needing an FJM style Fisking, this would be it.

Well, I’ve officially run out of corners to cry in.

Where’s the fall guy when you need him? Care to weigh in, Mr. Carter?

Umm guys? Remember Todd Collins, the current record holder for longest gap between starts (10 years, 2 days)? That dude who backed up Jim Kelly before kicking it in KC to chow down some barbecue for 8 friggin’ years? That guy who gave Dan Snyder his first non-scam related orgasm back in 2007 when he barely won the…

It's good to know that a Vegas blackjack dealer just got $8.9 million richer.

“That’s a perfectly acceptable amount of time it takes for a person to score!”

Glad to see that we were finally able to spread American-style Democracy somewhere.