WHAT IS THIS STORY?! WHO IS THIS MAN?!

Don’t use my last name. But please do broadcast my smug, punchable face on national television!

This seems like a happy ending for all the women involved. They made new friends and avoided spending any more of their precious time on this dick bag. Everyone in this story that I don’t hate wins!

I know — sex after marriage. Blech! ;)

I am the one who knocks.... boots.

Anything involving the woman’s consent probably qualifies.

Better question: Would you hire Russian prostitutes to urinate on the bed of the AirBnB where Trump was conceived?

There has been tons of speculation why with the Daily Mail and others saying it was because she was a selfish bitch and he was turned off by her bad behavior.

I gets weirder...”The phone call came a day after the Gold Coast Bulletin revealed a message trying to sabotage the couple’s relationship was sent from his rocket company SpaceX in California.

Musk may have made his initial public comments because the Dailymail was running a story that their relationship ending due to her poor character: “he’d heard certain things about her behavior that didn’t sit well with him. Amber can be very manipulative and selfish.” A lot of people inexplicably hate Amber Heard, and…

This photo has always confused me. What is he communicating here? Why do I hear a gay porn soundtrack? Why am I laughing at the idea of Paul Ryan getting in over his head during a kink scene because “Singlepayerhealthcare” was his safe word?

This Aaron Carter busines is so funny to me. A couple years ago my band opened for him in Ventura, California. Now, we were not a fit “musically” but, you take what you can get in Ventura when it comes to shows.It was a shitshow, to say the least.

1. Aaron’s manager ran all his songs off of a Macbook directly into the…

This is sort of like when Marines ask celebrities to whatever fancy Marine dance they have except the Marine is on meth and not a marine and the fancy dance is optimistically an Olive Garden.

This is way off topic but it’s a story I feel only you Jezzies will appreciate.

The first tweet was/would have been fine as a “ha, I saw your interview, here’s a joke” thing. The follow-up tweet smacks of creepy desperation.

I recently had to get a blood test for a medical treatment. The test revealed I have HSV 2 — Genital Herpes. I have never had an outbreak, not even one that I mistook for something else. I am a sex educator and health clinic worker, I have every tool available to me regarding this matter. I asked the doc how long I’ve…

No one is under any moral or legal obligation to think like me, but I find it weird that Angelina Jolie does not seem to have any female friends. Those kids are going to grow up, Brad will leave again and she’ll be stuck with maybe her brother? I picture her wandering some French castle in a hooded cloak, talking to…

I love the Hemsworths.

I find it very charming that Rachel Dratch’s parking offense was right around the corner from Second City. Chicago comedy history right there!

I had to worry about this stuff when I was a kid. No kids should have to deal with those feelings now, but thanks to a stupid percentage of the population of the US, they do.