If the best Hillary can do for endorsements is Wilmer Grossmanchild Valderrama, she’s in a worse position than I thought. Demi, Hillary, get it together. He is not good enough for you.

You take an extra long time finding the fire extinguisher.

I feel like both my mother and my husband would smack me if I saved her/him instead of the other one. For this reason alone, there's no good answer. Either way somebody dies and I get smacked.

You can let her fry for up to five minutes before saving her.

Wow, this question is fucking ludicrous. I’ve been to law school and practiced for several years and I know for a fact no lawyer would bother saving anyone else in a fire. Might as well be testing on legal customs of middle earth.

I hate the concept of filial duty as an universal truth, because it assumes that all parents love their kids and at least try to do what’s best for them, so there is no possible circumstance where you’d ever be justified in not loving them.

I really think you have to factor in how likely your mother is to nag you as a ghost.

But what if your mom is a toxic bitch?

BRB, gonna get some croutons to better enjoy this word salad.

Exactly! And then Farticus mentioned pain killers and ER bills, which I’d never even thought about, and then now I’m thinking oh god, what if I had a son and he tore his foreskin while mastubating and was too embarrassed to tell me or his father and got an infection? And now I’m helicopter mommy-ing my nonexistent…

They’re wearing lash extensions, not mascara. I’m sure they appreciate your deep concern for their welfare, though. Maybe someday you can finally liberate them from their cosmetic oppression, Imperator Anti-contouring.

TMZ more lie TMI amirite

bricks

Yeah. That’s what’s wrong with this purse. :-)

So, we’re all going to hell in a handbag?

“Mohamed’s family has ‘refused to answer questions’ or talk to her office or the school”

Or that he had asked for his parents and/or a lawyer and the police refused, so maybe he knew his rights as an American citizen and refused to answer questions. What a thought!

“They were ready to deploy hashtags”

I’ll tell you right now, we’ve heard more from the media than the child ever released to the police when we were asking him questions. He told a lot more to the reporters than he ever told to the police.

The “purposeful hoax” is the one I hear about the most. A 14 year old wants to sue! He’s in cahoots with Barry Obummer! He’s starting the Great Race War! Gird your loins!