See, I read this chart and I just wonder what happens to men at 45 that broadens their world view.

If you think that there aren’t 45 year old men listening to Green Day and eating hotdogs and ramen, then I envy your optimism about the human condition.

These charts have been floating around the interwebs for a while now, but my reaction’s still this.

I dunno man. Are you sure you shouldn’t just pack it in? 26 is like, near death.

Also all I can think about is that scene from Knocked Up where Leslie Mann is crying on the side of the road about how she’s old and haggard, and Paul Rudd just keeps getting better and better looking as he’s old. But there are not clips of this ANYWHERE.

Man, I had no idea I was so old. A lot of young dudes (and age appropriate dudes) contact this 26 year old crone! Or maybe I’m their Samantha? *pukes after making SATC reference* Maybe they don’t check my age and assume I’m younger because I wear hella sunscreen? If there’s anything I know, it’s that men are shitty…

Responding with the classic:

One of my favorite Kim Davis tweets:

Another fine Christian offers her support to Kim Davis.

Pictures like the one in the header make me think that she’s seriously been hypnotized a la Scooby Doo villain and is just being sent out as Huckabee’s stalking horse.

Further proving this was never about her religious beliefs if she is altering forms that other people have signed. She hates gay people, period.

We’ve all had our personal injuries: rug burn from college when we were dumb enough to have sex on the carpet, that time we had beard burn in a friend’s wedding party pictures because we met a hot guy that weekend, the uncomfortably “well-endowed” partners, the positions that required varsity level gymnastics, losing…

I was hooking up with this guy once who was pretty all over the place emotionally but preternaturally gifted at sex-things (isn’t that always how it is.). No real dramatic story, but he gave me head with such remarkable skill that I came so hard that I chipped my left front tooth on his headboard. My head snapped…

Fractured my elbow in a three some. The doctor who looked at me was convinced that my boyfriend was abusing me and was extremely rude to me the entire time. The radiologist had a good laugh when I told him how I got my injury. It’s been seven years and I still find it hilarious.

i literally laughed so loud i woke up my neighbor’s baby in the apartment below me.

When my sister was 12, she ordered porn at the Disney resort hotel in Anaheim. You can imagine my parents’ delight. No really, they thought it was hilarious.

Oh my god, I would have DIED. I mean I probably would have literally died. I was an easily terrified kid. I ran out of the theater (not just the specific movie theater, but the ENTIRE theater building and into the parking lot!) during a screening of... An American Tail. I mean there was a cat that was kind of scary!…

I fucking hate parents that are afraid to answer questions. If they won’t I will and they aren’t going to like the answers I give. For example:

But children are asking questions! She might have to be a parent now and start answering them!

Hey kids, head down to the basement, Fluffy wants to say hi!