Matt Gaetz looks like if Ted Kennedy had sex with Ursula from Little Mermaid.

Why are we doing this in 2019?

As a former bartender, I wouldn’t eat the fruit served from the bar.

Dude...please...stop making us look at this Dr. Moreau musical.

Her home sparks RAGE in me.

I predict that some time in his tween years, that kid will go through a phase (a la Joaquin Pheonix’s brief stint as “Leaf”) where he wonders why he doesn’t have a quirky name like his siblings, and will thereby redub himself as Vatican or Leather.

You’re truly doing the Lord’s work.

Thank you for your service.

Does Bristol have a new boyfriend yet that she is absolutely, positively not having sex with?

Kim Kardashian is thinking of naming her next kid Rob West, after her brother.

Is the plot also lengthening?

FYI. The recent TAL episode called Beware of Jabberwock has a pretty interesting interview with one of the Sandy Hook fathers re: the online trolls ad Alex Jones.

i’m not surprised that after almost a decade of death threats and harassment from insane conspiracy theorists that one of the targets of them decided to kill themselves. and those pieces of shit will use this to say that he was going to come out as a crisis actor and the government had him killed. alex jones should be…

The really dumb question: Why does she even need a degree? What could it possibly do for her? Why would her parents pay 500k to get her into a good school when they could put that same money toward ... idk, launching a clothing line or acting classes or some other kind of self promotion more in line with this woman’s…

But this website written entirely in comic sans told me vaccines were deadly and we couldn’t trust them!

 “But no one told me that the quote-unquote “loss” of that pre-baby body can be freedom. That you don’t realize how much you are imprisoned by your relative bodily proximity to, and striving toward, a mainstream ideal until you decidedly “lose” your ability to perform some piece of that ideal.”

I haven’t seen this yet. I’ve read and heard all about Christian Bale’s performance, but how on earth did I not know Steve Carell plays Donald Fucking Rumsfeld?!?

God this movie was dull.  

3. How did Kenny get there? Did they put him there AND THEN put all the roses in the room or did he have to tip-toe through to get to his designated spot?

So many questions: