"Do you have any fruits of vegetables?"

Reading tweets like this helps me realize why Two and a Half Men was on the air so long.

As a fellow narcoleptic, I can really identify with this guy. The condition is consistently stigmatized of course, but at this point I'm sure this guy's gotten used to the stairs.

Officer James: [administers breathalyzer] Not 1, not 2, not 3...

You might have expected Popovich to be more upset, but he was mentally prepared for this moment ever since David Stern told him about it on Sunday.

I know Popovich loves him some Manu, and he probably feels smarter than everybody else after game 5, but Manu pretty much single-handedly lost games 6 & 7.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman... Your world frightens and confuses me. When I see your self-propelling autocars, sometimes I just want to throw spears at them. I'm more at home hunting the woolly mammoth than I am hunting a good interior decorator. And when I see a solar eclipse, like the one I…

Formosa the time he wasn't happy.

"They don't have enthusiast cars anymore except for the 4 that I'm about to mention"

I'd also like to see him price out what it would cost for him to make the same incorrect call intentionally in a game he was refereeing.

The same deck actually collapsed weeks earlier during a Marlins game, though with no reported injuries.

Perfect role — you're sick of him after Thanksgiving.

Alot of people will upgrade the ignition and cooling on these.

Detective: I don't know how they got away with it. This was truly an ingenious crime.

IT WAS THIS GUY

pictured: opposite ends of the pussy-getting spectrum.

I'm single without kids, what should I wear?

"The San Antonio Spurs picked Tim Duncan on June 25, 1997, about five years before Sebastien De La Cruz's birth....Both the Spurs and De La Cruz generated so many classic moments over the years, they practically blend into each other now."

This may sound like blasphemy coming from a car guy who likes to drive but I'm looking forward to the self-driving car. Seriously, for those who have crowded commutes, just think how much better it would be if those who seem barely aware that they are piloting a 2-ton death missile did not have to control their rides?

If I didn't have integrity, I'd become a Browns fan now.