Thank you!!!!

Dammit, you just had to put that in my head, didn’t you? *gags*

My whole life, always wanted big tits. I like the way they look, the way I’d surmised they felt (which they feel exactly how I thought) in my hands or my husband’s, and how they fit my frame, from my ass up to my shoulders.

We had chickens too, and there was always great drama when they were killed. None of this stoat-in-the-chicken-house killing silently like James Bond. No. It was always a fucking horror show and there’d be incoherent rioting in the yard in the night with shrieks and snarls and things like livers and toes left the next…

Three! Three families!

*punch pop smack whack thump*

OMG are you married to MisterDisco?

You’re actually telling me why I got bolt-ons?

Me too. I’m 44 now and I had it done four times over the course of a year and I loved the way it made my Resting Bitchface™ less Bitchface and more Resting.

*applauds wildly for the no ragrets callback*

Could you tell me about this place in DC, which I just happen to live quite near and am feeling the strain of the 11s making me look like a miserable bitch and I may just drop $200 for Botox to soften them out?

Big, warm, snuggly bear hugs vaguely reminiscent of fabric softener sheets.

I HEARTILY CONCUR

HEY YOU ASSH-

You know, you could just say that you don’t understand the reference and ask someone to tell you what it means... instead of going off on a rant that makes you look like the uncool kid railing at the inside joke that everyone gets...but him.

Will you share that cough syrup? Because I’ve a fucked day and the Norco isn’t cutting it.

WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE KITTENS? WHERE WOULD THOSE POOR DEFENSELESS KITTENS BE WITHOUT THEIR DRUNKEN DEFENDERS?

I have no sympathy. When you work that strenuously to be a total dickbag because you think that the scent of pretentious asshole will somehow excite your date, the very least karmic injustice that can happen is having your god damn platinum card (DID YOU HEAR ME SAY PLATINUM? DID EVERYONE HEAR ME???) get declined. The …

NO YOU DON’T THAT’S WHY YOU’RE A SERVER

DON’T FORGET TO SAY IT AT INCREASING VOLUME TO WHERE YOU FINALLY END UP SHRIEKING IT AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS BECAUSE THAT TOTALLY INCREASES COMPREHENSION