"Overall, not believing in God seems to make people and their offspring more tolerant. Less racist. Less sexist. Enviro-friendly."

rambo w a woman? would watch.

All I can see is this:

This is something I'm slowly realizing. My life dream was to be married to a great guy with an amazing career and I'd just take care of him. That was it. All I wanted. And then at 30 and a failed 9 year relationship I realized that it wasn't going to happen. So I went to grad school and started doing the types of…

Oh darling - you have your delusions - far be it from me to explain those grabbing motions little ginger tabby has got goin on. That and the lunging and biting.

That kitten is definitely going to eat a duck. Just give it time.

We need more ritual. The only huge celebration we have between our birth and our death is marriage, and that's bullcrap. We should pick a birthday to tout with as much importance as a marriage (50 makes sense). We should celebrate a vocational milestone, or at least have an all-out retirement party. We need to do more…

Why the hell would I do that? I have a perfectly good cat.

I prefer to live with myself. I don't need a piece of paper to define my relationship.

If you get divorced from yourself do you lose half of your stuff?

Bonkers cat needs a hobby.

There are people who think masturbation in a relationship constitutes cheating. Most of us refer to those people as "complete fucking lunatics."

"Save your protest energy for more important matters, like wet towels on the bed."

when life gives you lemons, poison the wedding party.

I'll help make "Because, Fuck You Jess" happen. I know one. Fuck her.

I remember asking a guy I was dating once "What job would you have if you didn't work at your current job? What would your other dream career be?" because he worked as a sports reporter and I hate sports so I was hoping that maybe I could find out he has some other interest and I'd have a reason to date him beyond…

In the sense that I appreciate a lot more about myself, it did! It was really interesting to see how I narrated my own life and which questions created detailed answers. I think the staring at my eyes in the mirror for 4 minutes was the hardest part because I kept wanting to brush my teeth or play with my hair.

I am a total dork and tried to answer all of these questions independently to see if I could fall in love with myself.

So this explains why my children always have so much energy...