Finally, someone who agrees with me about New York Pizza. 24 years in this goddamned town, which I will leave in an urn because Stockholm’s Syndrome, and I have yet to have a slice of that stuff that wasn’t a floppy nonentity, with nothing cheese threatening to slide off into my lap. And no, that sawdust on the bottom…

I know that anecdotal evidence sucks balls as a method for developing reasonable opinions re: risk, but my 10-year old nephew was in a house where the other kid’s father killed himself in the den, leaving himself for them to find. And I knew the family of another kid who killed his little sister on accident playing…

I’d be up for NY leaving the US. We could petition Canada to take us.

“festering Build-A-Bear Donald Trump”

That too, sure.

It’s a perfect moment.

I been hammered a lot of times. Way too many, possibly. And waaaay too hammered, for sure.

My walk to work takes me past the Empire State Building and all its attendant bullshit. Some days, just because, I walk out of my way across on 32nd street instead. And feel dumb, but I figure the spectral baddie I’ve imagined is less likely to choose a K-Town pastry joint.

Plus, y’all’s fish’n’chips are better. Which is not nothing.

I’m not going to lie — as a 25-year resident of NYC, the idea that your town has a Community Gun that’s passed around by the criminal element to share is a little funny.

I shouldn’t be comforted to know the US hasn’t cornered the market on fuckwits....but I kinda am.

The right people never step on the rusty nails...

I’m good at eating eggs.

This. And me with only one star to give.

The guy’s name is Hamburg Tang? Hamburg Tang. Say it a couple times, that’s pretty funny.

I hope the judge/jury/whomever decides what they get, sees these pics.

I think it might’ve been possible to beg for leniency/mercy without trivializing the crime and dismissing the the victim. In fact, I’m sure of it.

I have to look like a Korean adolescent now?

Welp, Canadians, I guess this is your chance to get in while the gettin’s good.

I need a Hiro.