No one is dead, right? So I’m assuming that everyone keeps their jobs and no one is punished.

I would like Trump to stop shitting on the USA, and all the other countries of the world. Except, your know, his BFF Russia and Putin.

We had pigs In a blanket, hot wings, pizza rolls, potato skins, celery and carrots and all sorts of condiments. It was homemade TGIFS and a Saturday.

I would like Matt Garza to tell my partner of 15 years that the only reason to have sex is procreation. We’ve decided not to have kids so I guess we can’thave sex anymore.

yeah, funny. but I don’t work for PJ.
When I was in high school I worked at Pizza Hut. Damn those brown polyester pants and red visor.

I have plenty of co-workers that like PJ, AND I just found out that one of our employee perks is 25% off your PJ order. NO Exclusions, No limit. You can order it every single day and always get 25% off your order.

I want something bad to happen to Poppa John. Not like Jared-bad, but just something bad enough where the Board says “You can no longer be the in the commercials. We cannot have your face associated with the pizza.”

And the talking heads need to quit calling them “Ove” and “The Bread Man.”

Has ESPN already started filming their “I Hate Grayson Allen” doc?

Flat feet?

When I was watching the last game I actually noticed all the leg braces. Maybe Poole is getting kick-backs from the brace manufactures? I mean, $100k goes far in SC, but a little extra always helps.

How do Native Americans feel about the name of the committee? Where is Indian Country? This is such a fuck you to Native Americans.

Butt Reception.That’s my new band name.

Now I can watch Sophia call Blanche “the Human Luge” daily!

I love watching Penn & Teller, and I will do my best to sit as close as possible, and to the side of the stage, so I hope I can see the amazing sleight of hand when they are performing, but I cannot figure out their bullet trick other than the people in the audience are plants, as it is an amazing illusion. And until…

The last time I truly bark laughed was watching “Waiting for Guffman” in the theater. I had laughed through the whole thing, but, at the end of the performance, when the camera is panning through the audience and they come to the councilman (Michael Hitchcock, who is hilarious, especially when he was on MadTV) and he…

“’The forces of fear and misinformation will pull out all the stops, both in Texas and nationally,” Texas lieutenant governor Dan Patrick said at a press conference in Austin.”

I’m pretty sure that Dan Patrick is currently the biggest force of fear and misinformation in the Great State of Texas.

It is as if unflavored gelatin decided to wear clothing.

I haven’t had a cigarette or any alcohol in 4 days and am thoroughly sick. I just want to make it past this fever.