Bournville actually being “dry” is a bit of a joke. All that really has ever meant was that there were no Public Houses (Pubs) and you couldn’t buy alcohol at the Cornershop/Bodega/[Insert your local equivalent here].

I’m jealous of all the sober sex they must have.

“What’s homo milk? Is this milk from GAY COWS?!” he demands, utterly* seriously, even angrily.

I have it on very good authority from Strawberry Shortcake that Blueberry Muffin’s vagina* does, in fact, taste like blueberry.

Hey! Where ya been all day (‘cause I guess many of us are being ‘indoor kitties’ today?)

I only wish I could tell you that. But it’s probably in the neighborhood of $2.75.

Oh yes, doctors are legally mandated reporters here as well (in fact, everyone is a legally mandated reporter where children are concerned). Which is why my dad reported him—the doctor outright thought he’d beat the shit out of my brother and told him to lie about it and the doctor wasn’t going to report it.

I got my nose broken during sex.

Bi-phoid Mary

I get foot cramps and thigh/hip cramps when I’m flying solo, but the best sex pain was when my partner came back after four days away and we start going crazy on the kitchen table and I’m on the edge of what promises to be the best orgasm of my life and bam, one of the worst headaches of my life pops up from no where.…

I am so sorry but when you said “curtains” I immediately thought you were referring to your then gf’s labia. Definitely made my first read-through of this story a bit more rattling.

My SO and I had a hot threesome with a lady friend I had long flirted with who was about to jet off to move to South America. The day after the encounter she called to say she had strep throat. He and I both had severe cases of strep within the week. Still worth it.

So, I was getting frisky with this guy. We’re ripping each other’s clothes off, making out like it’s our job, getting comfy on the bed. There are hands everywhere, fingers everywhere, he pulls back for a second and realizes that our crotchal areas are covered in blood. Well, that’ll kill the mood right quick. He asks…

We’ve all had our personal injuries: rug burn from college when we were dumb enough to have sex on the carpet, that time we had beard burn in a friend’s wedding party pictures because we met a hot guy that weekend, the uncomfortably “well-endowed” partners, the positions that required varsity level gymnastics, losing…

Sometimes you can play through by shifting positions ... and sometimes you have to yell “SAFE WORD oh my god untie me!” and that’s kind of a mood-killer.

As the injured part noted, at least I was keeping on with the perceived agenda of the collective...

The third or so time I had sex with a new guy I was really into, I was on top and was riding pretty hard, and smashed my face into his forehead by accident. And got a bloody nose. And bled all over him and his bedsheets.

If you managed to get pregnant via anal, you’re doing it too hard.

When ever a guy doesn’t have his fingernails properly trimmed, I fear an unpleasant case of vaginosis.

Not sure if this is crazy enough but I got pregnant in our church parking lot by my equally horny Jesusy boyfriend. Our son is now 22 and we have been married for 21 years. We do anal on both of us.