Pretty sure Vice is a bunch of cigar chomping assholes who want the social currency of edgy serious journalism but they can’t because their point of view is garbage.

I was barefoot in the summer (despite my parent’s best efforts) until I was at least ten. My Dad called me “the Barefoot Contessa”, and I had no clue it was a movie.

I’ve already told my son that when he turns 15, I’m going to give him a copy of “Journal of the Plague Year” for his birthday, so that he stops complaining when I ask him to help bring in the groceries.

Is there no one around you who will deliver a meatball sub with melted mozzarella? I’m scared.........

Like, “Your name is Mudd” except for being the guy who set John Wilkes Booth’s leg, it’s Trump. I agree, and second this idea. I propose we begin using it immediately.

Exactly. if a society can’t take care of the kids, the elderly, the sick and the poor, what are we even doing? We should just go back to clan rule. That’s always worked out so well.

First, make sure you’re within the window of ovulation. No point in getting frustrated for nothing, but have sex if you feel like it anyway. Second, make sure you have an orgasm. There are credible studies that say that this helps, so you do or make him do whatever helps this to happen.

What about Sartre’s “Hell is other people.” Surrounded by big 3D flowers? I’d buy one, for sure.

It’s a good point.

I know. Everybody pools their money and kids get education, parks, sports, after school acedemics, and breakfasts for those that can’t afford it, etc. While I’m writing it I’m thinking, can you even imagine being against any of this?

Exactly. As long as THEIR kids get an education, then I guess we’re all good. Honestly, I called my husband during this conversation. It was so incredibly stupid, I wanted a witness.

I was once in a fairly upscale antique store and overheard the following conversation between the owner and an older female customer:

According to Twitter, Linton actually played Marie Antoinette on some awful show. Normally I wouldn’t believe it, but there are pictures.

Before my husband and I were married we were watching TV and Rick Santorum was on. Santorum said that gay marriage would lead to the legalization of men having sex with dogs. My husband said out loud, “Jesus Christ. Guys who have sex with dogs don’t care if it’s against the law.” I thought then and think now that…

I have loved Carl Reiner since I was a little kid and he was on the Dick Van Dyke Show. The one part of “Commedians in Cars” that’s horrifying is when Mel Brooks implies that they had to get a black guy because they had used the word “Nigger” so much. That made me physically recoil. What the hell, Mel Brooks? You…

When men have to cover their heads as well, and boys have to cover their faces, then I’ll be all for it. Until then, nah.

“Government for and by the people who can get into an exclusive party in the Hamptons.”

I would suggest cotton long-sleeved blouses in bright or dark colors, for the tattoos, in the meantime.

“Perry seems to understand the purpose of his department” NOW. That’s great, but not quite enough, you know?

“This is not a model UN”