In all seriousness, I think if I ever manage to do a proper cat’s eye, I will immediately evolve to a higher level.

I mean, if you were really worthy and moral and noble in the eyes of Christ, you wouldn’t need contact lenses. Your deficient eyesight is a punishment for your dirty sins, heathen! 20/20 is for the chosen!

No, this thing.

Yep. “I don’t trust Snopes; it’s a liberal site,” they always say.

I have actually seen people call Snopes “liberal”. Yep. Saw it. Facts have liberal bias.

That’s actually not correct. I lived in Tanzania for a few years, and I learned swahili. The swahili for “black power” is actually “Obama.”

Seriously. Wikipedia. Sometimes that’s really all it takes.

Mine would be all, “FALSE, AND YOU’RE A FUCKING DUMBASS IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE.”

Wikipedia and Google, whose contents are largely based in reality, are notorious for being what wingnuts refer to as “liberal.”

But we all have that crazy relative who even after someone posts the Snopes article about it will be all “well you know, they are not always right there”

I imagine this is what it’s like to work at Snopes.

I want this possible fart to become the hugest deal SO BAD.

guilty face.

JURASSIC PORKER CALLED IT BEFORE THE SHOW EVEN STARTED

Unfortunately, it was done by girls at a Christian college which undoubtedly promotes the whole modesty/purity BS, and any girl who questioned it would get in deep trouble.

Now fold it 3 times. Burn it. Spread the ashes in all the bathrooms of your workplace/campus building. Now flicker the lights while spinning around 3 times chanting “Rocky Top!” (if you can’t flicker and spin, UT won’t win). If you do all of this correctly, the bloody face of Peyton Manning will appear in the mirror.

I feel like Lane Kiffin deserves a special shout-out in the “is the coach a dick” section. Saban and Kiffin on the same coaching staff puts Alabama at peak dick.

Now what?

Yeah yeah, tough guy. Easy for you to criticize them when they can’t even read it.

Moral of the story: Rand at your own risk.