This will be the last Behind Closed Ovens to appear on Kitchenette. It will not, however, be the last Behind Closed Ovens. Starting next Monday, November 30, the series will continue on Wonkette. If you’d like to read more crazy restaurant stories in the future, feel free to tune in over there at your…

LONG LIVE BCO

One minute too late to edit my Buy/But typo. Damn it.

Buy if he’d taken them out of the cart (so customers don’t have to use carts with empty beer cans in them) and thrown them in the trash, that would be fine, right? Because it’s not like Wal-Mart wanted them. Wal-Mart just didn’t want him having them. Logically.

So you don’t know what this post is about, do you?

The RIP France sign was kind of cruel.

I too enjoy pricing human beings out of bodily functions.

This is tragic of course but I really hate the whole “You’re leaving your baby with STRANGERS!!!” Um... no my husband and I actually visited the daycare, met the caregivers and did our research on whether or not the facility was licensed/the policies they follow. My daughter is now 2. She loves her caregivers. They…

But baby it’s less rapey outside.

Gisele, that’s kind of gross. Bridget’s kid is your stepchild, not a gift with purchase.

Class fucking act. That’s not what I want from my celebrities! Now, where did I put Leah Remini’s memoir?

Pixies don’t have pupils. That’s how you can tell.

Monogrammed Thermos™ does both!

“There I was, enjoying a light repast at the Applebuddies club, engaging in a fine and stimulating discussion of Amanda McKittrick Ros’s brilliant use of simile and metaphor, when suddenly what should assault my ears but some jenny foreigner defiling the rarefied air of our great nation with her native tongue! Well I…

there’s a huge gap between “too impaired to drive safely” and “too drunk to live safely”.

Are you seriously, with a straight face, arguing that there sits no stage between “shouldn’t drive” and “needs to be cut off at a bar?” That’s...that’s a thing you’re actually arguing?

I love the idea that he wasn’t supposed to call the police on people about to endanger those around them.

Only four of fourteen charges resulting in a year in jail? This is a judge that has complete contempt for women and/or children.

“It’s pretty common for people to feel a bit down after all sorts of enjoyable, intense experiences”