I, for one, am glad that she specified that he's wearing shoes on BOTH of his feet.

Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.

Okay, so that video was like a 3 second clip replayed a bunch of times. I FEEL SHORTCHANGED BECAUSE I WANTED MORE BABY PIG FOOTAGE.

Please tell me they watched this 90's classic:

Well, I guess you could say, that she had some dead weight in the trunk...

That adorkable pic of John Mayer that made me think "Oh, he looks cute!" for a split second and now I have to go back to bed.

Other things that started with/by John Mayer:

Yes exactly, AdBlock. I'm all...who sees ads?

Perry and I are the same age, and as a 30 year old, I feel that I should not be fighting with people in their 20s (or fighting with people, period. There's too much wine in need of drinking and too many cats in need of belly rubs.)

THIS is shade throwing:

im sorry i have a problem :(

TEAM TAY OR DEATH

$80,000?! But he's probably just going to spend it all on penis dildos and lace fronts!

Spoken like someone who's never had fish and chips, Yorkshire pudding or a perfectly brewed cup of Earl Gray with a freshly-baked scone, home-made strawberry jam and Cornish clotted cream.

Sometimes it's hard to see how we can bring the anti-choicers around. What will move those people who sincerely believe that abortion is murder to support it? I don't know. If I try to think of something I am vehemently, morally opposed to (capital punishment) and then imagine an argument that someone could make to…

it can, but the health outcomes are not great. But hey, these abysmal asses are pro-life, not pro-quality-of-life.

I think the applause light got switched on too early.

My campaign slogan: "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"