We have to start by not calling it “domestic violence” as though it is somehow just part of normal domestic life. If someone is assaulted in their home, the perpetrator needs to be arrested and charged with assault. Period.

He is actually 36% alcohol.

One time I ordered a 4-piece McNuggets and was given a 4-piece McNugget box filled to the brim with tartar sauce.

I usually have the worst service at the big chain restaurants like Bison Feral Appendages, Pepper Pods, Italian Flatbread Shanty, and of cours the Blue Crustacean, though nothing beats that last story from Cow Milk Monarchess.

From a similar era to most of these, I would have to add the R.E.M. Night Swimming for melancholy night driving. Not so much for stewing as for a vague sense of loss.

My then-roommate and I were at a bar and a guy came up to her and said in the most cheesy, oily voice you can imagine, “Hey, just to save some time: how would you like your eggs in the morning?”

Not everyone can breastfeed. Sure, it’s “free”, but sometimes it just doesn’t work and there’s a lot of shame surrounding moms who use formula. Please rethink before making comments like this, I know I’m not alone in reading this type of thing and remembering the horrible struggle that trying to breastfeed was, how…

God, I hope it’s Xerxes.

It’s spelt Raymond Luxury Yacht, but it’s pronounced Throat Warbler Mangrove

Wine = parent formula.

I have no idea, but you’re gonna really enjoy this blog about the most ridiculous baby names ever. http://jessica-jensen.blogspot.com/2015/04/names-…

Clothing with names is the #1 thing that prevents us for returning it or consigning it

“Clothing with names is the #1 thing that leads to kidnapping”

you'd feel more sad if you would have had to sit through that horrendously boring storyline

WAIT THAT'S THE SAME GUY? OMFG I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON IT MADE ME SO STABBY

I don't understand why divorce hits some people like it's the end of the world, especially when they were super unhappy in the relationships. My sister had a horrible marriage. Her husband was verbally and emotionally abusive, I suspect he was phyisically abusive at one point because of little things I noticed like…

“When I can’t afford it on my pay, I don’t want people on the taxpayer’s dime to afford those kinds of foods either.”

My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…

I was sad afterwards, but only because I had so much goddamned fun at my wedding that I wished it could have lasted longer!

Kluber: 1st in WAR and IDTSS*