This story only starts out like a horror story. It was horrible for me at the time. My boyfriend and I were celebrating our first Thanksgiving together. It was also just a couple years since my Mom died, a loss which had blasted a huge hole in our family. We scattered after that and had Thanksgivings either alone or…

You see, young Elvis was a tricky little brat. In Kindergarten, I was riding home with my dad, brother and brother’s classmate. My brother’s classmate was going to be doing a Thanksgiving play, and I decided that I wanted to be in one too! The catch was, it was Tuesday evening, and tomorrow was the day of said play I…

Sir. SIR. It is an African-American mark. Sir.

What is it with strange customers and soup? I never thought I’d have a story to contribute here because I’m a bookseller, but it turns out I’ve got one for you.

The toaster one reminds me of the time one of the librarians smelled food and tracked it down to a woman who was sitting at a reading desk with a crock pot plugged in underneath it, cooking chicken stew.

I was 15 and my dad shaved his mustache - he’s had it ever since I was born. I saw that he had shaved it and burst into tears (lol). He let it grow back.

I can't tell if these stories warmed my icy cold heart or chilled my raging hot anger.

I always use this metaphor when having this conversation with guys like this dude:

real conversation i’ve had with a tinder date

I just can’t believe that in this day and age some celebrities think that it’s acceptable to go out on Halloween in Doucheface.

“THE CHURCH IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE”

Last Tango in the Epcot France Pavillion

There’s a new commercial on Hulu for United Methodist Churches that says “Church can happen anywhere” ...that phrase really scares me for some reason...like I’m going to wake up in my house, go downstairs, and there’s church going on.... gives me the chills.

Congratulations Victor Garber, or as he’s more commonly known, “Ohhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaa, THAT guy.”

“So, your table stopped me and asked what kind of fish they had was because they thought you were lying to them; I told them it was cod and they asked why we didn’t have real fish.”

Change the setting and it could be a Flannery O’Connor story. Great catch.

What type of psychologist does that?! Holy shit.

My Jewish parents attended mass given at the Vatican by Pope John Paul II. I asked why, and my dad told me he was hungry and wanted the cracker.

I wrote a parody of Passion of the Christ (as a kind of performance art piece) that was so sacrilegious that my friends who performed in it had their kid taken away in a custody dispute when the Catholic judge was shown pics of it. Took years to straighten out. Worst thing I ever accidentally did.