THANKS OBRAMA.

Of course I'm weighing in. Be warned, I am giving (almost) all the details.

Damn, fuck the police just took on a whole new meaning.

Can we talk about how there's a huge drop off in pretty bras and a huge increase in trashy-looking bras once you reach a certain size? Seems like every time I see a cute bra they never make it above a C cup. But the ones that look like Little Bo Peep fucked a leopard are always available in my size.

Like Emma Golddigger, I work with in a day program for adults with disabilities. Poop stories are just part of the job.

Congratulations! It's so nice to hear a poop story with a happy ending!

Endometriosis is a scary fucking thing, ya'll. But since it hasn't killed me yet (despite almost making me pass out while driving once), it can also be hilarious. My doctor suspects that I have rogue endometrial tissue in my colon. Before I used the Pill, that tissue would flare up during my period and usher forth the…

I get "vacation constipation". It's not like I can't poop anywhere outside of my home—-I shit like a champion at work/my boyfriend's all the time—-but something about being on vacation just stops me up.

As my grandpa would say when referring to diarrhea, "better tighten your pucker string."

Maybe you can imagine my reluctance to tell this story because I don't know any of you all that well, the point being for whatever reason I have been a little loathe to divulge the circumstances by which I came to be, in the spring of 2012, squatting above a box in the middle of my boyfriend's—who I'll call T—bedroom…

Mussolini just stole my heart <3 <3 <3 <3 NOW THATS HOW YOU MAKE A SCENE OKAY

Personal story: I like working out late at night. Especially in the summer when it is 90 degrees in the sun, I prefer walking along this lit path and doing laps by walking off the trail and onto some sidewalks in an area of Kansas City.

I have all y'all motherfuckers beat, because of my SECRET WEAPON: Multiple infections of Clostridium difficile. I have so many poop stories, you guys.

C. diff, for those of you who are (happily!) uninitiated, is a bacterial infection that causes you to shit, unpredictably and uncontrollably, a liquid that looks like…

I work with people with developmental disabilities and consequently have a lot of poop stories. Here's one of my better and less disgusting ones:

I think I can win this.

Everybody— even Beyoncé — poops

Surely if she is charging $13000 per pup she could afford to pay someone to proofread her website.

Typical Scopio...

About the response I'd expect from people who literally think the universe revolves around them.