On the flip side, though, your short term memory is shot.

I had a 2,640 pound steel door crush me to the ground back in November and I'm not dead, a quadriplegic, a paraplegic , in a body cast, or dead. Did I mention I'm not dead?

The heart wants what the heart wants.

We have apples to apples too; the dynamics of the game are not quite the same. And crossing lines might be the purpose when you play, but we play for humor; hence the altered rules. The game is perfectly enjoyable the way we play it.

Why not play the game whatever way you find enjoyable? Not everyone has to jerk off to dead babies to get their taboo jollies.

"Plus-size model who received hate mail..."

I think opening a restaurant is brave considering how many of them go out of business in the first year. I also think what the Daily Mail is doing with their headline is nothing more than some kissing cousin to concern trolling. It's like when you're a fat woman wearing bright orange and someone says, "Good for you,…

I guess what is not 'obvious bullshit' is that gun to your head that is forcing you to read them every week and then comment on your stoic cool cynicism as it relates to the stories. You are an amazing person, please teach everyone your ways so that we too can be joyless assholes.

they live in a world where the only reason anyone is doing anything at any time is that it is the exact thing they choose to be doing?

A lot of people with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia have a serious incentive to not take their medication - because when they're manic or delusional, they feel like a god. Once a person has felt like a god, it's hard to keep taking medication that prevents you from feeling like a god.

I should've known when he first moved in, the first few weeks it was nearly impossible to sleep. He was up ALL NIGHT drinking.

dragon toilet seat was definitely cursed

No, I win. Nope. Nope nope. I win. Okay. Here goes. It's long but (I think) it's worth it.

I am thrilled that we are getting more and more models standing up and not wanting to be 'shopped and with more natural make-up. Because you see those pics up there? She's wearing make-up. And plenty of it. We absolutely need to encourage companies who show more realistic representations of women in their ads. …

Stale potato skins are Satan's snack (sack would also be accurate.) You chew and chew and nothing ever happens.

Where on Earth do you live, with your charcuterie boards and quail eggs and lardons? Château de Fancy? My town is lousy with burgers and pizza, you can find a burrito if you're adventurous and persistent.

Mozz sticks are one of those foods where it's not a question of how much one can eat so much as how many are available.

"because she makes me feel young and with it"—-every middle age man.

Or water with sugar, and LOTS of lemons.