Police: Can you describe the robber?

The Handmaiden's Rosebud

Maybe she just had a fucking ugly baby. Sometimes babies are goddamned ugly.

Mark Shrayber Occasionally Utilized Hyperbole in his Headlines - But What Happened Next Will Blow Your Mind....

I was 19, working at a country club. Thursdays were "Men's Day" and always ended up being a long shift battling drunk entitled men. One night, the father of one of my friends was there very drunk. He waggled is finger at me to get my attention - so I went to his table anticipating another drink order. Instead, he said…

I used to work in bars in mining towns and got aaaaall the sexual harassment. I had some standard replies. When asked to sit on his face, I would reply "Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?". But the go-to general was "Sorry, I don't train up virgins anymore." Servers, feel free to use.

Yes, because technically "catholic" means universal (katholikos) and is sometimes used when discussing issues that apply to all Christian communities, including Protestants. In writing, it's easier to just write "the Church" with a capital "c," but when speaking it helps to clarify whether you're talking about the…

some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused...

I worked briefly at a crappy bar where a group of motorcycle enthusiasts would come, park their bikes, and just order water, never tipping. I wasn't shy about my disdain, but it didn't stop them from offering to "give me the ride of my life" whenever they came in. One night, I brought a glass of water to one of the…

Also, if he'd been honest, Drake would've rapped, "Started from the middle now we're here."

They're both so damn twee and I ain't even mad about it.

I just have one more to add. Burt, you may remember getting a kick out of this one. I live in Seattle, and some friends and I gathered at a bar to watch the Seahawks in the Superbowl. One friend brought brownies, which kicked in right around halftime. I didn't know much about Bruno Mars prior to this, but his…

Since this thread has taken a turn toward different hallucinogens, I'll talk about the third (of only three times) that I took mushrooms. My friends encouraged me to eat multiple caps because, hey, I'd already done this twice so I was an expert, right? We then went midnight bowling (the crazy kind back in the 1990s…

That's really funny. If we're hanging out and other guests are coming they'll ask "should we check if it's your mom?"

One Thanksgiving when I was still.in college, my cousins and a friend decided that they wanted to go to an outlet mall that would open at midnight. I wasn't much for shopping but wanted to hang out with them so I went along. We left Thanksgiving dinner but, to my surprise, were actually headed to my cousin's much…

I have a feeling there's a corresponding story to this one out there, by the waitress, along the lines of "these 4 kids came in clearly stoned out of their minds, so I decided to fuck with them and we all had a big laugh about it in the kitchen"

Haha, it's funny how those stories stick around. I remember begging my friend to call my mom for me when we were at the house sitting place (she didn't, thank god), so now every time I get worked up about stuff she asks me if she needs to call my mom.

Thanks EGR! The legend of Artem Chubarov grows to this day!

Both times that I've smoked weed have been completely terrible. The first time I was a freshman in college and was chilling at my friend's house sitting place. I gave it a shot (and probably smoked too much too fast) and within 5 minutes my face was paralyzed in this goofy grin and I was convinced that I couldn't…