YESSSSSSSSSSS 10/10

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! His next ballad/rap will say "I see you sparklin' with those Crystals on, damn I wish we coulda got our Cristal on." hahahahaha

Consider your curiosity satiated, because it sounds like angry Christians yelling while soft rock plays in the background.

I am currently having the best sex of my life, so it is hard to narrow it down but I think this may have been the best. I should add that this is a kinky story, so if D/s stuff isn't your bag, don't read it.

Amateur! I once had sex, on a bed, on top of the bedspread. With a cat watching!

I fucking love Patton Oswalt.

I really hope none of my friends read this and recognize me. Oh well.

This isn't gonna sound sexy.

...I need a cigarette.

Strangely perfect timing because my most face-meltingly incredible sexual experience happened just last weekend! I'm not sure if this will translate or if I'll be able to express why it was so hot, but alas, I shall try. Apologies in advance for how long this is, hopefully it's worthwhile reading though.

Most men grew up . . . men. They have never had these experiences or discussions before and they are viewing the world through very different eyes as a result. It takes time, and sometimes several discussions/arguments to change a viewpoint a person has held for decades. My husband was raised a typical, upper…

"feeling like no one attracted to you and people think you're a creep sucks."

I was recently on a flight with 2 Hassids. These men are very likely perfectly nice people, but I was sorely tempted to brush one of them on the sleeve "accidentally" and whisper "I'm having my period." Just to see what would happen. But I didn't because I keep my curious sociopath INSIDE.

We all have our cross to bear. ;)

I'm fine with a little beef in my taint—I just don't like taint in my beef, AMIRITE LADIES!!?!?!?!?!?!!? [crumples to floor, face twisted in silent scream]

This person needs to quit his or her job and come work with me. I am (essentially) a professional ass-wiper and I have a cavalcade of ass-wiping ditties. The greatest hits are "Tangled Up In Poo," "Oh Danny boy, the wipes the wipes are calling" (when the wipee is named Danny), and the holiday classic "Let's Wipe Your…

Lol. I know this is automated, but it actually works in this context!

I once worked with someone who called in to work and said she would be off for a couple days because her grandmother died. I ran into her at the local liquor store and told her I was sorry about her grandmother. She said, "Oh, she's getting better." I didn't tell on her but she was fired within a month of being hired…

The part where she says "this has nothing to do with genetics," talking about her mom not having a "full-on fat-girl diet," etc.